Meeting a new dater for the first time is nothing less intensive then a job interview. You may be having strong competitors out there, and you don’t know whether you will get the chance of meeting your dater again. Leaving a “good” impression is a subtle art that takes continuous effort in refining your skills. Some will choose to hide their past, while others choose to tell their miserable story up front.
There is no “right” or “wrong” standard here, since it all depends on who your dater is and how much they can take this. But from my experience, people tend do know the present “you” rather than your pathetic past. Take a look at what a chinese young lady came across:
“I met up with a man today. He was around 35 years old and after a few sentences’ greetings and warm up, he started to tell me about his past: he had one-night-stand with around 10 Chinese girls and 3 long term relationships since he started working here, and all of these was because he felt very lonely in this country. But he was already tired of it and was looking for a long term and stable relationship.
But I just don’t understand why he should tell me all these. I felt so shock and disappointed when I heard about them. I think if he really want to start a serious relationship with a girl, then he should not be telling her stories like this at the begin. Or is he just want to figure out my bottom line?”
It really depends on the girl you are dating actually. In the above case, obviously this man’s more-than-dramatic story is not accepted by the girl he dated with.
Be Utter Honest at First Date?
They Say “No”
Many experience daters think that prior relationships are not good topic to discuss with a woman until after you were very close. They believe in the “white lies”, meaning what they don’t know won’t hurt the girls. Seldom would a lady expect a guy she is dating to come right out and tell her about his past relationships. Some guys are telling their story in the hope that the lady would also tell them about her history. But if you think this is to show your honesty and you really want to do this, it would be wiser to do it through email or letter rather than face to face. When reading, the girl feels it more like a story. But you put it into your face-to-face conversation right out, that will sound like a sharp rejection, or, you are playing with her feeling and testing whether she will be your next prey. Also, your number of past one night stands are more than enough to scare your lady out of her seat. This definitely do not sound like a marriage material, she wouldn’t want to be another number in your belly.
Be Utter Honest at First Date?
They Say “YES”
There are still others who think that one should be honest no matter how hard it is. Because it is better for you to tell her what you want her to know, rather than waiting for her to find out from someone else the things you don’t want her to know. Also, if she is going to know something about you, it would be better that she knows it from you, rather than from the outsiders. Some girls don’t mind a guy’s past, it will be alright to reveal at the opportune time. “Honey, do you want to know about my past girl friends or not?” may be a good start off when you both get into a really stable relationship, or you may just wait for her to ask for it. An honest “I’ve had sexual experiences with my past girlfriends” will be a good answer. There is no need to go into detail. Usually traditional girls won’t expect you to. The point is, prove to her that all these are already past and emphasize that you have left the past behind, you have changed for the better after knowing her.
Situation do exsit when the girl is excited about getting to know everything about you, which means that she treat you as her special guy. Here, you may want to take it slow. When you are not ready to open up your history to her, just tell her how you feel. When both of you get into a serious relationship, you’ll need to, and by that time you may even be eager to share whatever with her along the road. But there’s really no need to do that straight away. Love takes time. As the two of you feel more comfortable with each other gradually, you’ll be more willing to tell her and you will get more understanding from her. Chances may be that she is even more curious because of your reaction. Then tell her to give it more time.
Let’s say, it would be better to tell your lady when she is ready. Some of them are not ready until you get stably in touch with each other, while others are quite ready when you first meet, even more ready than you as the story teller. So it really depends on what kind of girl you come across and whether you can tell her type when you first meet. But be a little bit conservative at the beginning and wait for her reaction do seem like a good tactic. Tell her your simple background, talk to her about your interests, your hobbies, what you do as a job and what you do in your leisure life for the first time you meet, and see whether she wants to know more later on. Or maybe you could tell her one of your best experience. Isn’t “Hey, I just wanna know whether you are still interested in how the story ends or not ?” sound like a good reason for another hang out?