For many single parents on Chnlove, new international-Chinese dating relationships are simultaneously a source of energizing excitement and numerous questions. In the midst of the euphoria of new love, the questions of “How?” and “When?” to introduce children into the mix become some of the most pressing issues. When it comes to introducing your children to a Chinese lady who has become very important to you, consider the following factors:
Look at Your Relationship
A lot of Daddies want to know, “When should I introduce my kids to the Chinese girl I’m dating?” We would advise them to look first toward the quality of their international-Chinese dating relationship before worrying about how or when. “The commitment is the most important piece because, when there’s commitment, that becomes obvious to the kids and the Chinese lady.” Being honest with yourself and your Chinese partner is key. Not every dating relationship reaches the level of commitment that necessitates including the children. You may very well be enjoying a casual, lively social life with a Chinese girl who is fun to be around, but with whom you simply don’t envision a future. This is critical because once you introduce children, you leave them vulnerable to becoming attached. Frankly, doing so before you’ve even determined for yourself that this will be a long-term relationship is unfair to your children and could potentially be as painful for them as your initial separation or divorce from the other parent.
Before you introduce your Chinese lady to your children, you should:
• Be in a committed relationship
• Be able to envision making this lady a part of your family
• Talk openly with one another about what that would mean
Be Honest With Your Kids When Talking About Your Chinese Dating
Once you and your Chinese partner decided that this is a serious, committed relationship, you’ll want to begin a meaningful dialogue with your children. Remember you’re not asking for the children’s approval of your international-Chinese dating relationship. Neither are you giving the children an ultimatum about accepting your Chinese partner. Rather, you’re initiating a conversation about how important your children are to you, and what you each want for your future. This ongoing and honest dialogue is an important part of including the children in a relationship that has become important to you.
When you talk with your children about your international-Chinese dating relationship, remember to:
• Realize that your children are afraid of being abandoned in favor of your Chinese dating relationship
• Affirm your own personal commitment to your children
• Share your genuine enthusiasm for the Chinese lady you are dating
Coping with parent dating relationships is rarely easy on kids. Once you’ve begun talking openly about your Chinese dating relationship, though, you can begin thinking about how you’d like to make the initial introductions. When it comes to making the actual introductions, you’ll want to plan an informal outing or activity with your Chinese lady. Ideally, you wan to create a situation where everyone can be themselves, relax, and have a good time. A brief activity, such as going out for pizza or playing a quick round of miniature golf, gives everyone a chance to meet, but doesn’t create a situation where lengthy conversation is needed.
When planning for the initial introductions, remember to:
• Plan something fun
• Be yourself
• Include your kids in an activity you can all do together
Accepting parent dating relationships, especially international-Chinese dating may be a slow process for your kids. Ultimately, your top priority at this time is reassuring your children that you love them unconditionally and that you intend to always be with them. In time they will see that including another person in your life is not about splitting your affections; it’s an opportunity to widen the circle of people you all choose to care about and welcome into your family.